so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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