i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize