I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
