He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
