Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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