The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
