was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
this will be a night to untag.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
