somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
