Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh god it's open bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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