census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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