Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
