Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
