every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
being pregnant is like rehab
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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