i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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