He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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