just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
