...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You need Xanax blowdarts
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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