Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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