We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
