took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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