anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
