I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
