proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
