i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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