She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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