When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
