I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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