I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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