i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
