He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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