They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
