the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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