Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
is it fun? or sober?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
