i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
