The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You can't motorboat a personality
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
