Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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