I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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