..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
