yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
