you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Never underestimate the power of titties
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
