im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
