Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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