I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
