I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
