dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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