I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
