I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this hospital has no fireball
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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