had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
