I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
