She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
