In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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