No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I only lived at night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
