You made me cry and you don't even care
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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