The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
