Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
