Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
