Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
