Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im holly from the hills drunk
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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