I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
