It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
