carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i love accidental penises.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
