I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize