I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
