the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
