I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
