I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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