I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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