is your mom at the bar?
we have officially lost it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
