No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
