she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
