Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
