a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
