Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
