WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
