my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
