Your face is a jimmy john
we have pet lesbian snakes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
