if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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