Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
