dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize