His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
